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This is the part people dread more than the diagnosis, and it is the part with the most practical options, including several that mean you do not have to make the call yourself.
You do not have to do this alone. Health department partner services will contact partners for you without naming you. Expedited partner therapy (where your clinician gives you treatment to pass directly to a partner without them being examined) is permissible in 47 states and DC, potentially allowable in three more, and prohibited in none, for chlamydia and gonorrhea. And there is a self-interested reason to tell people: if your partner is not treated, you get reinfected.
| Partner services | Health department contacts partners for you, without naming you |
|---|---|
| Expedited partner therapy, permissible in | 47 states, Washington DC and the Northern Mariana Islands |
| Potentially allowable in | Kansas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Guam, Puerto Rico |
| Prohibited in | None |
| What EPT covers | Chlamydia and gonorrhoea |
| The self-interested reason to tell | If your partner is not treated, you get reinfected |
| Anonymous notification services | Available online, free |
Why does telling a partner matter medically?
Three reasons, and it is worth having all three straight before the conversation.
Reinfection. If you are treated and your partner is not, you will very likely get it again from them. This is the most common reason a “cured” infection reappears, and it is not a treatment failure.
Their outcome may be worse than yours. Untreated chlamydia and gonorrhea in men usually cause urethritis or epididymitis. In women they can cause pelvic inflammatory disease, and through it ectopic pregnancy, infertility and chronic pelvic pain, usually with no symptoms along the way to warn anybody.
They cannot find out any other way. These infections are mostly silent. A partner who is not told has no signal to act on and no reason to test.
Can someone else tell my partners for me?
Most people do not know this exists. Health departments run partner notification services: you give them contact details, and they get in touch with your partners to tell them they may have been exposed and should get tested.
They do not name you. The contact is confidential, it comes from a health professional rather than from you, and the person on the other end deals with these conversations for a living.
This is not a lesser option for people who cannot face it. For former partners, people you did not know well, anonymous contacts, or anyone you have reason to think will react badly, it is often the better one. It is more likely to result in the person actually getting tested, which is the entire objective.
Ask the clinic that diagnosed you. They will know how it works locally and can usually refer you into it there and then.
What is expedited partner therapy?
For chlamydia and gonorrhea specifically, there is a mechanism designed around the fact that partners often do not go and get seen.
Expedited partner therapy is the delivery of medication or a prescription by a diagnosed person to their sex partners without clinical assessment of the partner. Your clinician gives you enough treatment for both of you, and you hand it over.
The legal position is more permissive than most people assume:
| Status | Jurisdictions |
|---|---|
| Permissible | 47 states, plus Washington DC and the Northern Mariana Islands |
| Potentially allowable | Kansas, Oklahoma, South Dakota, plus Guam and Puerto Rico |
| Prohibited | None |
The CDC recommends it particularly where ordinary partner referral has not worked. It is not the ideal. A partner who is examined gets tested for the other things too, but it treats people who would otherwise go untreated, and that is the comparison that matters.
Ask specifically. Many clinicians will not volunteer it.
How far back do you need to go?
The honest answer is that it depends on the infection and on when you were last tested, and your clinic will give you a look-back period based on both.
The general shape: for chlamydia and gonorrhea, recent partners, typically the last couple of months. For syphilis, considerably longer, because the stages are long and the early sore may have gone unnoticed. For HIV, back to your last negative test.
If you genuinely cannot remember or cannot contact someone, say so rather than guessing. Partner services handle exactly this.
How do you actually say it?
If you are telling someone directly, a few things help, and none of them is a script.
Lead with what they need to do. The useful content is “you should get tested, and here is what for.” That is actionable. A long preamble makes people brace for something worse.
Be accurate about what it is. Most of these are curable with a short course of antibiotics. Herpes and HPV are not curable but are manageable and extremely common. HIV is a manageable chronic condition with treatment, and someone on effective treatment with an undetectable viral load does not transmit it sexually. People fill silence with the worst thing they can imagine.
Do not build the conversation around who gave it to whom. You very often cannot know, given how long these can sit without symptoms. That question turns a health conversation into an argument and changes nothing medically.
Pick the medium that gets it done. There is a common instinct that this must be done face to face. If a text is what actually happens, a text is better than a conversation you keep postponing. The objective is that they get tested.
Give them the information twice. People do not retain much in the moment. Following up with the name of the infection in writing is genuinely useful.
How do people usually react?
Sometimes anger, often less than expected, and frequently relief that someone told them at all.
Two things worth knowing. A partner reacting badly in the first ten minutes is not the final position; people update once the actual medical facts land. And you are not responsible for managing their reaction on top of everything else. You are responsible for telling them, accurately and in time to do something about it.
If you have not yet been tested and are reading this in anticipation, the testing schedule is here, and it is worth knowing that most of these produce no symptoms in either person.
Common questions about telling a partner
Do I have to tell my partner myself?
No. Health department partner services will contact partners on your behalf without naming you, and this is a standard, free service that exists precisely because the conversation is hard. There are also anonymous online notification services. Using one of these is a legitimate route, not a cop-out.
What is expedited partner therapy?
It is where your clinician gives you treatment to pass directly to a partner who has not been examined. It is permissible in 47 states plus Washington DC, potentially allowable in three more, and prohibited in none, for chlamydia and gonorrhoea. It exists because the alternative, a partner who never gets treated, is worse.
How far back do I need to go?
It depends on the infection and when you were likely exposed, and it is a question worth asking the clinician who diagnosed you, because they will give you a specific window. The general principle is that it extends further back than most people assume, because these infections are frequently symptomless for long periods.
What if my partner gets angry?
Some do, and that reaction is usually about fear rather than about you. It helps to lead with the practical: what the infection is, that it is treatable, and what they need to do. It also helps to know that a positive test does not establish who acquired it first or when, because these infections can sit silently for a long time.
Will I get reinfected if my partner is not treated?
Yes, and that is the most concrete reason to make sure it happens. Treating yourself while an untreated partner remains is a cycle rather than a cure, and reinfection is common enough that guidelines build retesting into follow-up specifically to catch it.
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This article is for information only and is not medical advice. It cannot account for your individual circumstances. Talk to a doctor about your own situation, particularly before starting or stopping any prescription medication.